Pink and Fluffy
by Norbert for President
Summary: Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus have to take action when everyone in the Matrix inexplicably turns pink and fluffy!


Disclaimer: I do not own the Matrix. Well, not the film, anyway. I might be an agent but that would be telling.  
  
A/N: This is, like my previous Matrix story, quite weird. You'll just have to be strong, sorry. It is NOT a sequel, cos, as you'll notice, Morpheus is still alive.  
  
Pink and Fluffy  
  
Tank tentatively tapped Morpheus on the shoulder. "Um, Morpheus?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Er . . ." Tank looked very nervous, and very scared. "Er . . ."  
  
"What? Hurry up Tank, what is it?"  
  
"Er . . . evryoninmatrixonpikafluffy." Tank said in a rush.  
  
"WHAT? A bit more slow-ly and clear-ly, Tank." Said Morpheus, speaking at snail's pace (if snails speak) and spitting all over Tank trying to emphasize the importance of clarity.  
  
"I'm not a moron, you know, Morpheus," said Tank, sulkily. "I was just trying to tell you that everyone in the Matrix is turning pink and fluffy. It may not be importan . . ."  
  
"What? Pink and fluffy? Tank, have you found out where I keep my pills again?"  
  
"No," said Tank, irritated, "I only got high on them ONCE, OK, Morpheus. Trinity takes them loads and you're not mean to her about it. You don't care when she takes them. It's so not fair! Just cos I'm not a woman and I don't wear black leather and I . . ."  
  
"Tank, shut up." Said Morpheus, wearily. "What were you saying about pink and fluffy?"  
  
"Come and see," said Tank, leading Morpheus over to the screen, across which the Matrix code was quickly scrolling. "Look - redhead, blonde, pink and fluffy, blonde, brunette, pink and fluffy, ugly bloke, blonde, pink and fluffy, pink and fluffy, redhead, brunette . . ."  
  
"OK, OK, Tank, I get the point."  
  
"Well, if you're going to be like that . . ."  
  
"Shut up Tank. Do you have any idea why?"  
  
"Hey, that's your job. I don't think. I just stare at the code and scare everyone with my freaky eyebrows. But they're really cool. Hey, Morpheus, can you do this?" asked Tank, knitting his eyebrows together and making them arch in a weird scary way.  
  
"No. And I don't really want to, as it happens."  
  
"You're just jealous. I bet you can't do this, either!" said Tank, contorting his eyebrows yet again.  
  
"Tank, much as your scary eyebrows amuse me and the rest of the world, I'm slightly more concerned about everyone turning pink and fluffy. Are the numbers increasing?"  
  
"Well, that depends which way you count."  
  
"WHAT? Tank, are you insane?"  
  
"No, I'm being logical. Like, y'know, if you count like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, they're increasing, but if you count like 5, 3, 4, 2, 1, they're decreasing."  
  
"Tank, I meant if there were more people who were pink and fluffy." A glimmer of comprehension crossed Tank's face.  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I understaaaaaaaaaaaaaand."  
  
"And it's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, I give up. Are there more pink and fluffy people?"  
  
"Um . . . blonde, pink and fluffy, bald, pink and fluffy, redhead, brunette, pink and fluffy, blonde, pink and fluffy, pink and fluffy, pink and fluff . . ."  
  
"Shut up Tank. All you needed to say was 'yes'."  
  
"You are SO unappreciative!"  
  
But Morpheus had already walked away, in search of Neo and Trinity. Tank just sat in front of his screen muttering to himself for a while, then went off in search of Morpheus' pills.  
  
* * *  
  
"Neo, Trinity," began Morpheus.  
  
"What?" asked the One, grumpily.  
  
"What?" asked an irritable-looking woman in black leather. "Morpheus, if you've interrupted my make-up application for something unimportant then I believe you can go to hell."  
  
"Shut up, Trinity!"  
  
"Tank may put up with that, but I won't, Morpheus." Said Trinity, angrily, jumping into mid-air, freezing time temporarily, then expertly kicking the side of his head.  
  
"OW! Trinity, will you stop showing off? We all know you can do that weird kicking thingy by now."  
  
"We know only too well," interjected Neo, rubbing one of the large bruises on the side of his head. That earned him another.  
  
"OW! Morpheus! Did you see what she did to me? I used to think you were nice!"  
  
"You were very wrong, then, weren't you? Most guys are. Just cos I looooooooove you doesn't mean I like you, Neo. And Morpheus, did you have anything important to tell us or can I go and do my eyeliner now?"  
  
"As it happens, there is something," said Morpheus, rubbing his head. "And when I've stopped seeing stars I'll tell you about it." He chose this moment to glare nastily at Trinity.  
  
"Well, I'll go and finish my make-up while you're waiting for your head to clear. But remember, there's a lot of junk your head in the first place, so don't wait too long, you're probably just feeling normal."  
  
Trinity turned and began to walk away. "Women," muttered Morpheus to Neo, obviously thinking that Trinity couldn't hear. Neo gave him a sympathetic look. Unfortunately it appeared that Morpheus had underestimated Trinity's ears. She turned back, gave them both a quick kick somewhat lower down than their heads, and left to finish her cosmetic application.  
  
"Ow!" squeaked Neo, several octaves higher than usual.  
  
"Ow!" squeaked Morpheus, his voice similarly affected. "PMS is a terrible thing."  
  
Neo nodded mutely. Mouse chose this moment to walk in. "What happened to you?"  
  
"Trinity," Neo and Morpheus squeaked in unison.  
  
"Ouch!" said Mouse. "Ah well, to deny her own impulses would be to deny the very thing that makes her human."  
  
This earned him a kick from both Morpheus and Neo. "Ouch!" squeaked Mouse, sounding like an eight year old girl. "That hurt!"  
  
"Whose side are you on?" asked Neo, threateningly. Well, it would have sounded threatening if it wasn't squeaky.  
  
Mouse was saved from answering this by Trinity, who had returned having completed her daily make-up application. "So, what did you want to talk about, Morpheus?" she asked, composedly.  
  
Morpheus glared at her resentfully. "You wouldn't care," he squeaked.  
  
Fortunately, Trinity did not kick him again. Instead, she glowered back, saying: "I believe you have something to tell me, I believe I need to hear it, though I believe you are a man so you won't tell me concisely, unfortunately I believe I cannot easily change that, but I believe that if you don't hurry up and tell me I will kick you again, and if you have a problem with that, I believe you can go to hell."  
  
Morpheus looked somewhat taken aback. As did Neo. As did Mouse. "OK . . ." he began.  
  
Tank took that moment to rush in. "Morpheus? Hurry up and do something! The entire Matrix is pink and fluffy now! Hurry up!"  
  
"OK, OK, don't rush me! I'm a genius, I need peace and time to think!" Morpheus' voice had mercifully almost returned to normal.  
  
Trinity sniggered.  
  
Neo sniggered.  
  
Mouse sniggered.  
  
Tank sniggered.  
  
"I have it!" shouted Morpheus. "But, for future reference, the sniggering didn't help. What we have to do is enter the Matrix!"  
  
Trinity looked at him in disbelief.  
  
Neo looked at him in disbelief.  
  
Mouse looked at him in disbelief.  
  
Tank looked at him in disbelief.  
  
"Well, duh." They said in unison.  
  
Morpheus didn't seem to register this. "Trinity, Neo, you can come. Mouse, Tank, stay behind and watch the code."  
  
Even though Morpheus hadn't exactly given them a brilliantly confidence- inspiring display of intelligence they decided to follow his orders. Just as Trinity, Neo, and Morpheus were about to enter the actual Matrix, Morpheus remembered something. "Erm . . . Neo, Trinity, your mental self projections won't exactly . . . fit."  
  
"What is it, Morpheus?" asked Trinity dangerously.  
  
"Erm . . . please don't kick me." said Morpheus, pleadingly. "Either of you." He added, noticing Neo, who was also looking somewhat disturbed. "I'm sorry, but . . ."  
  
Morpheus flicked his fingers at them and Neo and Trinity changed. (No, I don't know where he got powers to do that from! Sorry). Neither Neo nor Trinity seemed particularly enthralled by their new image.  
  
"MORPHEUS!!!" they bellowed. Trinity kicked him again. Neo kicked him as well this time.  
  
"Ouch!" screeched Morpheus, his voice again, several octaves higher than normal. "My voice had just got back to normal. And you don't look that bad. I mean, Trinity, you look like that . . . that person."  
  
"What person, Morpheus? I haven't seen many pink and fluffy people recently."  
  
"No, I mean that girl . . . the one who sings . . . you know . . . PINK! That's it. You look like her, Trinity."  
  
Trinity banged her head on the table with the phone. "Oh, I'm so Missundazstood." She groaned. "But I believe you have no taste or sense whatsoever, I believe you deserve a kick, and if you don't like that, I believe you can go to hell."  
  
Morpheus dodged just in time. Neo was now advancing, plainly slightly irritated by the shocking pink mohican that Morpheus had kindly given him. "And, Neo! You look . . . really cool! Just like the cool guy off the Tweenies! Yeah."  
  
Neo didn't seem pacified. "Off the TWEENIES?" he asked, angrily, "Morpheus, do I look like a TWEENIE?!"  
  
"Yes, it suits you, Neo."  
  
Neo started to growl as Trinity asked in disbelief: "Morpheus, you watch the TWEENIES? That weird little kids programme with the freaky fake people?"  
  
"Not very often."  
  
"You watch the TWEENIES?" Trinity then turned to Neo, and said: "Well, the hair actually looks quite sexy, Neo."  
  
Neo replied, "Yeah, you look good too. Though I liked the black leather." They kissed. Morpheus made a quiet vomiting noise. It wasn't quite quiet enough.  
  
"You have a problem?" asked Trinity, turning on Morpheus once again.  
  
Morpheus spluttered.  
  
"I thought you wanted pink and fluffy!" said Neo, confused.  
  
"Not behaviour! We need to rid the Matrix of pink fluffiness!" shouted Morpheus.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, I'm coming to that. First, we need to enter the Matrix. Then we need to find an agent."  
  
"You're going to hunt for an agent? Morpheus, are you insane?" Trinity asked.  
  
"I'm not. Neo is."  
  
"Hey, that's the first I've heard of it!"  
  
"Neo, you're the One. You have to get an agent. And force him to confess. WHAT IS CAUSING THE PINK FLUFFINESS?"  
  
"OK, Morpheus."  
  
"And Trinity, we're just taking you so you can use up your high kick quota so you'll stop kicking us and cos you can boost Neo's morale."  
  
"OK." Said Trinity, kissing Neo and kicking Morpheus. Again.  
  
"Ready to enter?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
They entered the Matrix. Around them, all was quiet. And pink. And fluffy. Then Morpheus spotted an agent. "Over there. Go get him, Neo!"  
  
Neo marched over. Agent Smith was wearing a beautiful coat à la Austin Powers, heart-shaped pink sunglasses, and had dyed his hair bright pink. "Why is everything pink?" asked Neo (he doesn't go for the subtle approach). Agent Smith pressed a revolver to his stomach. Neo swatted it away. Agent Smith looked a little apprehensive. He knew full well that the One was a moron, but often, power in the hands of a moron can be more dangerous than when in the hands of a normal person. Even if the human race was the disease of this planet. "Why is everything pink?" repeated Neo. Agent Smith considered telling him. It was a simple explanation, really.  
  
"Erm . . ." he began.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Erm . . ."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Well . . . it's because," Agent Smith then started to try to fight Neo. He had been trying to trick him. Unfortunately, Neo fought back. Very well. When Agent Smith was on the ground, Neo came up and stood over him.  
  
"I know kung-fu." He said, dazedly.  
  
"Don't show me!" said Agent Smith.  
  
"So, why is everything pink and fluffy?"  
  
"Erm . . ."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"Erm . . ."  
  
"Either shut up and tell, me, or I believe you can go to hell."  
  
Trinity bounced over to kick the side of Neo's head. "That's my line!" she said, before bouncing off to continue kicking innocent members of the public.  
  
"Well, everyone is pink because we force fed them drugs. So they wouldn't guess about the Matrix. And it kind of had . . . unforeseen side-effects."  
  
"But no-one would really guess would they? You are so . . . weird!"  
  
"Hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. Eventually, people will guess. Eventually people will know. Eventually they will rebel. Not any more! They have all been given blue pills."  
  
"What, if I'd taken a blue pill when Morpheus offered it to me I'd have gone pink and fluffy? He is going to die when I get back!"  
  
Morpheus was standing fairly close to Neo. "Oh dear." he gulped. Neo turned and gave him a withering stare.  
  
"Morpheus? Do you have an antidote to blue pills?"  
  
"Well, the green pills that Trinity keeps on taking, they might work." Said Morpheus, holding out a green pill. Neo grabbed it, grabbed the nearest person, and stuffed it in their mouth. They resumed what presumably had been their previous state, and looked quite scared at being grabbed by a weird guy with a pink mohican and force-fed dubious substances.  
  
Trinity had a slightly less stupid approach. Unlike Neo, she wasn't prepared to spend her entire day force-feeding people green pills. "Tank?" she said, speaking to the control centre.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can you put a green pill into the Matrix code?"  
  
"What? How? Why?"  
  
"Can you?"  
  
"Well, Neo would have to cos he's the only one who can rewrite the Matrix, but I suppose you could . . ."  
  
"OK."  
  
Trinity marched up to Neo, who cringed, expecting a kick. "Neo, can you put a green pill into the Matrix?"  
  
"What? How? Why?"  
  
"Can you?"  
  
"Um . . . I could try." Said Neo apprehensively, and started trying to thrust the green pill he was holding randomly into the air. It wasn't working. And it looked like he was trying to exorcise something.  
  
"Hey . . ." began Morpheus.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Try feeding it to him!" said Morpheus, pointing at Agent Smith.  
  
"No, please, no! I love these sunglasses! Don't be so cruel!"  
  
The Spoon Boy appeared next to the agent. "There is no pink fluffiness. First you must realize the truth."  
  
The agent screamed. The Spoon Boy was obviously too freaky for him to cope with. Trinity launched in and shoved the pill into his open mouth. The agent automatically swallowed. And all the pink fluffiness receded from the Matrix. Well, Neo and Trinity were still pink and fluffy. But apart from that.  
  
They left the Matrix. They removed their pink fluffiness. Trinity and Neo glared at Morpheus. Morpheus ran.  
  
Trinity and Neo started kissing. "I looooooooooooooove you Neo, you can't die, because I loooooooove you."  
  
"I wasn't going to die."  
  
"Well, you can't anyway."  
  
"Right Trinity. OK. I understand."  
  
Morpheus chose this moment to return. "Hey people, the point of that was to RID the world of fluffiness. OK?"  
  
Trinity rounded on Morpheus. "I like pink and fluffy, and I believe Neo does, and I believe you should too, and I believe you resent pink fluffiness, and I believe you have a problem with it, and if you do have a problem with it, I believe you can go to hell."  
  
Morpheus backed away. "Right . . ." he said.  
  
"Right . . ." said Neo.  
  
"Right." Said Trinity. "I like pink and fluffy." and she and Neo continued to kiss.  
  
A/N: Sorry, I like pink and fluffy too! Hope you aren't too scared. 


End file.
